A few weeks ago I wrote a post that created quite a stir. You can find it here: The Battle Cry of a Stay-At-Home Mom. And since then I have received numerous emails, Facebook messages, and Twitter comments that echo the cry of my heart in that post. It has been so encouraging! But there have also been many who can relate deeply with feeling empty, lifeless, hopeless, and “stuck” in life. Some have even gone further, seeking my advise for how to “escape the drudgery” of life and find joy again.
I have been thinking hard on these questions. They are near and dear to my heart. And I want to share some of the thoughts I’ve been tossing around. But I’ll be honest, I cannot do that without sharing my personal faith in Jesus. And so I am hoping that those of you who don’t believe in God or Jesus will bear with me and listen to my story. I’d sincerely love to hear yours.
What good is being whole on the outside when you are broken on the inside?Â
How faith gave me purpose:
I grew up in a very outdoor/active family. We camped all summer long, windsurfed, water skied, hiked and biked. In the winter we skied. I spent a chunk of my high school and college years competing in freestyle moguls. I was immersed in this world. I loved this world. And I still do. But inside I felt unsure and restless. I was still looking for that âsomethingâ that brought meaning to all of it.
So in my experience, no amount of âperfect circumstancesâ or âliving true to yourselfâ can bring happiness and peace without Jesus in your life.
 Lies, Rules, and Legalistic Living Sap your Joy…
Looking back it seems so…stupid. But I really had these thoughts! As I questioned them – Does the bible say I have to stay home all the time? Does the bible condemn skiing? NO. Are their financial or physical restraints holding us back? NO. – I was able to break down the lie and fill it with something true…and inherently something that brought freedom to be who I am. See Jesus accepts you as you are – there is freedom in knowing you don’t have to “perform” to get his acceptance.
My life had become consumed with “do” and “don’t.” Instead of loving, enjoying, and truly living.
Finding who I am:
After three years of babies and nursing and sleepless nights I told my husband, “I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t have hobbies. I don’t have passions. I am a caretaker….who isn’t paid.â Â Yes. I actually said that. And I felt that…very keenly.One night, after drilling the kids through chores, and teeth brushing, and toy clean-up, we threw ourselves on the couch. The lights were dim and after a few moment of blessed quietness I asked, “When our kids grow up do we want them to have lives like ours?” Ah….there was only silence. And then remorse. And regret. See inside I knew the answer. My heart was screaming it. No! I’d tell them, “quite your job, moving somewhere you are inspired, climb some mountains, ski some crazy lines, run through the forest, drink good beer, watch a lot of sunsets!” I’d grab their shoulders, shake them and say, “START LIVING!”
And suddenly a little bit of the old me emerged. Because inherent in me and my expression of life, is being outdoors and exploring the world. I started asking , “Why not?” If you could just drop everything and being irresponsible for a day what would you do? Why not actually do it?! If you could grab your husband by the hand and conquer a mountain, which one would it be? And while we are talking about it…why not just do it?!
The Spirit gives life. – John 6:63
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Thank you Alyssa for writing your journey of faith and life lived to the full. I loved read it, and it makes me look honestly at where I am as a follower of Jesus and as a mom/ wife/ sister, as well as to review the vision for our little family- I am excited for the future!
Thanks friend!
Amazing post. I went to Catholic school for 12 years, but can’t remember a moment when I actually believed in Christianity. After university I went to Japan and wrote marketing copy for two years, and my brushes with Zen resonated with me. It took at least 15 years to reconcile my upbringing with what I truly believed, but today I describe myself as a Zen Buddhist. I also believe in an all powerful entity and at times find myself praying to it, but I don’t call it God. Jesus was a wise, wise man and I’m open to possibility that he was the son of God; being open to that kind of beauty is much more rewarding than being closed to it. After all, I don’t know either way. In the end we all–Christians, Buddhists and others–cherish the same values. It’s just how we live them that’s a little different.
From someone who was raised playing in the mountains and turned my back on them as I “grew up”–and found myself when I started playing in them again–thanks for writing this.
Thanks for sharing Ken! I grew up Catholic too. And I can totally resonate with what you said at the end about giving up on the mountains and coming back again.
Awesome, Alyssa! Your faith is beautiful and inspiring. Asking the question, “do we wan tour kids to grow up to be like us?” Is very tough, but sooo good to do. I worry a lot that I am being selfish by wanting to be a scientist and a climber and a mom. Is that too much? Shouldn’t I give something up? But I would rather see my kiddos try to do everything and fail sometimes, than do nothing and succeed at it.
Great thought! I’d rather my kids risk and fail than play it safe as well…
Good job. Well written. And I still think we’d be best friends if you lived here. đ Wanna move? We have some nice mountains here.
Yes. You do have some great mountains! Gosh, we need to plan a trip up there!
Thanks for stepping out in faith, Alyssa, and sharing your story!
So glad you four d your way out.of it. I often say my faith, love for the outdoors and Chariot (so i could easily get out with babies) are the things that keep me sane! đ And yes, Jesus certainly gives purpose to the joy and trials. đ Happy Easter!!!
Alyssa,
Thanks for sharing. What you described is exactly why I waited so long to have a child. I always felt like once I had kids I’d have to give up everything I loved. But now I look back and that seems really silly. And ironically we get out more now than we ever did before…go figure that the center of God’s will is the best place to be đ
LOVE. your words. you. hope. passion. sincerity. faith.
Thank you for sharing. I have just recently become a stay-at-home mom with 2 kids after spending 12 years working in outdoor related jobs. Wow, what an adjustment. After much prayer and contemplation I am finding joy in discovering ways to share my love of the outdoors with my children. Blogging has brought back some of the structure I miss from my full-time job.
Totally agree! Writing for me is a great outlet.
Thank you so much for this post and for sharing so openly, especially about your relationship with Jesus and your journey as an at-home mom. God has given you an abundant life….and you have found in Him the courage to LIVE it! I too feel that I am at a similar crossroads as an at-home mom…thank you so much for the inspiration and encouragement that I need. “Courage” – that’s the word that keeps coming to mind when I think of you and your story. You are a courageous woman! God bless.