If you just joined us, welcome to A “Made for Adventure” Marriage Series! A lot has been going on. Here is our fourth installment, a re-post from sometime last summer. I don’t re-post often. In fact, I never have before. But it is a good one. One I need to read to myself over and over. Enjoy!
This spring I made a choice: to be willing to go or do some of the things Chris wants to do. Not just let him go alone, but go with and do it with him.
As I am about to enter my fifth year of being a mom, I’ve realized how much I have imprisoned myself by just not being willing. I am tired. I am up most nights at least once. After we crossed into the world of three kids, I ended each day feeling as though I ran a marathon. There is little or no down time. So Saturday would roll around, Chris would come up stairs with a slightly envisioned smile and suggest we go to this new climbing spot he read about or go for a hike, or drive to the mountains, etc. He wanted to go on an adventure and he wanted to take his family along with.
And my response? I am too tired. I don’t want to deal with cranky kids who don’t get their naps. That sounds like a lot of work. Then I would move onto previously mentioned (#2) : Well, how exposed is this hike, how far is the approach to the climb? What if they fall off a mountain? What if they get bitten by a snake (I have a thing with snakes.) And my mind would fill with all sorts of images of my kids being swept downstream or teetering on the edge of a cliff. And soon my 1. tiredness and 2. worry would take over my life, my mothering, and most significantly my wife-ing (if I can make up that word). I wasn’t willing to go and I was, therefore, missing a part of my husbands heart.
Recently, I’ve jumped in with the adventure mentality and I’ve seen Chris come alive in ways I never expected. And myself as well. I am learning to have fun again. And yes, it can be a lot of work. And sometimes you look at each other at the end of the day and say, “well, that didn’t work.” But often you find things you love to do as a family. And you find creative ways to make things work. And you and your partner learn how to work as a team in accomplishing these things. And every now and again, you get chased off a climb by swirling black clouds and rock breaking lightening, run down the mountain to get out of the fierce downpour, climb into your warm car, look at each other through dripping hair and muddied hands and say, “Lets get outta here!”… with a huge smile on both of your faces.
I was at a marriage retreat this last March and the pastor’s wife asked the question, “Who do you want to be for your husband?” She answered, “I want to be the one who will run away with him.” I so resonated with this. Cause when I look back at my daily dealings with Chris, often what I am being (or trying to be) is his caretaker/mother(yikes)/maid/friend/co-worker/bookkeeper/task manager. But who do I WANT to be? I want to be his partner in crime. The one who runs off with him on some crazy and wild adventure.
So now I am trying to start acting like that person. And now I would ask you, who do you want to be for your husband? And are your actions in line with that?
If you are new to the series, then check out our friends over at Bring The Kids! I love their mission statement: “Join us as we go on adventures to combat family lameness.” We are teaming up to talk about all things marriage this week and next…Check out their post today: What happens here, stays here.
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I really like the question of what do I want to be for my husband. That’s a great one to think about!
Laughing about this one today – mirrors what we have dealt with in the past, especially when I am pregnant and WIPED out! But, I learned very quickly the best thing was for us all to be out there! And LOVING it! Thank you! Great series!
I know! Being pregnant, especially with other kids around, is so hard. As our youngest nears 2 yrs old and we have no other infants in the making, I am loving the energy I have. And I agree, even when I was exhausted, getting outdoors was good for all of us.
You like this article? Here is another one along the same vane from our friends at Bring the Kids entitled “My wife would never do that”: http://bring-the-kids.com/?p=1106
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This is really speaking to me right now. My first thoughts when Chuck suggests something adventurous with the kids are basically all of the excuses you mention especially “I’m too tired” and “But the kids might miss their naps”. Time for a new mindset!
I know! Me too! I was thinking the same thing in my own life when I re-read what I wrote last weekend!
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I’m newly married and this really speaks to me. Except, our relationship is kind of the opposite. I absolutely love my Cro-Magnon Man, no doubt. I’m the “Hey, let’s go [insert anything related to being outside] and he is usually too tired (thankful for his work ethic) , too caught up in what could happen, or too annoyed that I like bringing our two dogs outside with us. He’ll go with me when it’s a pre-planned excursion, like months in advance, but ain’t nobody got time for that! 😉 I can be a spur of the moment girl when there’s a full tank of gas waiting. I’m sure the tables may turn when kiddos bless our lives, but until then I’m full of wanderlust and dirtbag dreams. Do y’all have any advice on how I can get him to see that while I’m completely fine with going solo, I’d like to experience places/activities with him? He’s super supportive, just a little less outdoors-inclined than he let on to be when we were dating, haha!