Growing Your Spouse [from the man cave]

The is the second week of our blogging double header with Bring The Kids! We are talking about how to thrive in our marriages. So keep coming back!

Several years ago, my wife would frequently say that she felt as though she had no hobbies. She didn’t know who she was anymore. That she’d been swallowed by being a mom.

All of the people around us said that was good — she should have nothing outside being a mom. Being a mom was a worthy cause. I agree. In part. I think they were addressing it to the women who feel like they are wasting their life, their education, their talents while being a mom. And we believe strongly that investing in our children is one of the most significant things we will do. But Alyssa struggled with something different.

The problem wasn’t not having hobbies. The problem was that she had no life. [I know what that sounds like, and it was probably true]. What I mean is she had no joy in living.

But it is my job to fight for my wife (see my other post). And this is one area I’ve fought for her in.

I’ve fought for two things: The first is that we get to live an adventure together, as a couple, and with our kids. We are not just sitting around waiting for tomorrow. This is not always perfect, but it is a frame of mind. For us this meant moving. It means going on ‘mini-adventures’ and trips. It means doing Mission to the City and serving lunch with our kids to homeless people. It may one day mean moving to a third-world country and running an orphanage. We want to see the God who made us – in people, in the world, in what we do.

The second thing I’ve worked and fought for is for her to be able to digest and express what she sees. I’ve encouraged her to process life through her writing, through her photography. Things she once loved to do. Hence the blogs. Hence the camera.

Little Cottonwood Canyon, UT Honestly, this is selfish. I enjoy reading my wife’s blogs (especially her personal one) more than anybody else. I love hearing her internal voice expressed on paper. I love seeing her develop her craft with photography, and capture moments and share them with others.

The more I invest in her, the more of her I see, the more I love her.

So how can you bring more life to your wife? What refreshes her, bring her joy, helps draw out the hidden parts of her heart and personality? Find them. And fan them into flame.

One comment on “Growing Your Spouse [from the man cave]
  1. Yes, this is so important. A stay at home mother doesn’t add anything to her children’s lives by losing the zest for life, the excitement of trying new things, not doing things she enjoys, etc. Even an hour a week of something she loves can really make a difference for the complete woman.

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